From stress to calm : How to lead at your best

How’s 2025 going so far for you? If you’re like many of my coaching clients, you felt catapulted back to reality after the Christmas break and now, several weeks in, you’re only too familiar with the pressure of competing priorities and looming deadlines.

Too much to do. Not enough time or resource to get it done.

The perfect recipe for stress.

Stress by stealth

Stress can creep up on you unnoticed.

When I see my clients fidgeting with their hair or a pen, talking rapidly, leaning forward or gesturing excessively, I suspect stress is in play. Even if they say they’re ok, their body tells another story.

When stress takes hold, the part of our brain that enables us to think clearly, creatively and strategically gets short-circuited.

This response was useful when we were running away from a sabre-toothed tiger, but not so much when you’re in a demanding leadership role which requires you to be clear-headed and decisive.

A storm in your head

When Gill*, a Senior Director, arrived at our first coaching session, I noticed she was talking very fast, gesticulating a lot and exuding very high energy.

As she talked, I could sense the mental noise. It felt like she was racing to keep up with her thoughts, most of which were worries about how others perceived her.

When I asked what she was experiencing, she described it as “a gazillion thoughts” swirling around her and she felt like she was buzzing, as though electricity was coursing through her.

It was clear we needed to shift her state.

Breathing : the superhighway from stress to calm

I asked Gill to close her eyes, breathe gently in and out through her nose and let me know where her breath was coming from.

This may sound like an odd question. However, when we’re stressed, our breath becomes shallow, removing the brake on our heart rate and fuelling our fight/flight response.

Gill’s breath was high in her chest so I invited her to focus on breathing into her belly as she inhaled, and let her belly deflate as she exhaled.

Belly breathing activates the diaphragm which in turn regulates our heart rate and  rebalances our nervous system. It can be helpful to imagine blowing up and deflating a balloon, or the air cushion on a hovercraft. 

Finally, I asked Gill to scan her body for areas of tension, releasing areas of contraction on each exhale. For Gill, it was her forehead and arms. For you, it might be your jaw, neck, shoulders or hands.

Transformation

Within minutes, Gill felt completely different. She hadn’t realised how stressed she felt until she brought attention to it.

Her mind was quieter, she felt calmer and clearer, and she felt she had space to respond rather than just react.

The overarching sensation for Gill was a sinking into her lower body. As though she was a hot air balloon that had been tethered to the ground.

As an observer, I noticed Gill’s face softened, her voice slowed and lowered, her energy became easier to receive.

It was a profound shift.

Make it a habit

Practising little and often is key to embedding a new habit. Gill wrote post-it notes with “Breathe, calm and feet” on her laptop and around her office and home to remind her.

When she showed up for our next session, the difference was palpable. Gill appeared calm and grounded. She would still need to keep practising, but she was now better able to notice when she was becoming untethered and use her techniques to return to calm.

For Gill, becoming aware of – and taking charge of – her state was “a revelation”. She also realised that when she was less “buzzy”, the risk of leaving a stress footprint on others was diminished.

Try it for yourself

Would you like to feel calmer and more in control? You can shift your state in a very short period of time, minutes or even seconds.

Take a moment now :

• Sit tall, make sure both feet are on the ground and close your eyes.
• Breathe gently in and out through your nose. Notice where your breath is coming from, or even if you’re holding it.
• Deepen your breath so that you’re breathing in and out through your belly. 
• Scan your body for tension and release on each exhale.
• Notice the difference in your mind and body. What’s changed? What does that make possible for you that wasn’t accessible before? For example, greater clarity on a decision you need to make.
• Practise little and often. The more you practise, the easier it becomes to access a calm and resourceful state, no matter what comes your way.

  *Gill is a fictional Director based on real-life clients