Befriend the unknown

Val*, an Operations Director, felt out of control. She and her team had been through a challenging time and she was anxious about what was going to happen next.

She shared with me that she was worried that she was going to be thrown a curveball and that they wouldn’t be able to cope. In other words, Val was afraid of the unknown.

Humans hate uncertainty

Neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett shares findings from her research that “uncertainty is more unpleasant and arousing than assured harm, because if the future is a mystery, you can’t prepare for it.”

She goes on to say, “When people are seriously ill but have an excellent chance of recovery, they are less satisfied with life than people who know their disease is permanent.”

In other words, we humans hate uncertainty so much that we would rather be sure that something is going to end badly, even if it means death, than not know how it’s going to turn out, even if there’s a good chance of a positive outcome.

I don’t know about you, but I find that astonishing!

On the alert

There’s a good evolutionary reason for this. Greater predictability has meant our body-brain can predict what resources it needs to survive. 

On the other hand, when we come across something new or ambiguous – like a new role, news of a potential restructure or, like Val, just not knowing what the future holds – our brain readies us to respond to the perceived threat. It releases chemicals that put our nervous system on alert – essentially, our fight/flight response.

The resulting sensations are what we often experience as fear or anxiety and, unfortunately, they take up a lot of our physical and mental energy.

How to befriend the unknown

Whilst we have evolved to see the unknown as a threat, we’re very unlikely these days to be in danger. Feelings of fear and anxiety tend to be a hindrance rather than a help. 

Here are four strategies to stop fear of the unknown sabotaging your success:

1) Appreciate your anxiety

When you notice you’re feeling anxious or agitated about a situation you’re unsure about, whether that’s presenting at a board meeting or meeting a new boss, psychologist Kimberley Wilson recommends appreciating your body-brain for looking out for you.

You might say to yourself, “This is normal. My body is preparing me for this new thing, and that’s ok.”

2) Matter over mind

When I asked Val* what she could feel in her body, she said there was a tight knot in her stomach. As I invited her to bring attention to her body and breathe into it, the knot became looser and her mental noise became lighter. She was also able to think more clearly about what action she could take.

To paraphrase neuroscientist Dr Alan Watkins, the best way to change what we’re thinking is to change how we feel. Breathing smoothly and evenly into your belly is the most direct way to relieve stress and agitation and feel calmer. The body is the backdoor of the mind.

3) Change your story

We are wired to make up stories about our experience. Not only are they often unhelpful, but they also fuel our fear and anxiety. For example, Val’s story was along the lines of, “Something’s going to go wrong and I’m not going to be able to cope.”

Notice what you’re telling yourself about your situation and whether you need to change your story. For example, Val’s new story might be : “I’m more than capable to deal with anything that comes my way.”

4) Reframe your fear

Fear and excitement are actually physiologically the same – heart rate up, feeling agitated, butterflies in our stomach. Most of us interpret our sensations as fear because that is how the human race has survived.

However, we have the power not only to change how we feel, but to change the way we think about how we feel.

You might want to experiment with asking yourself : What am I excited about in this situation? What would a great outcome be? What is more important here than my fear?

And finally… 

The future is out of our control. We can’t control what happens, but we can control how we think, feel and respond to it.

*Val is a fictional Director based on real-life clients